P.D.A?

i shall therefore proclaim tat i am a PDA-Nazi.

and no, PDA is not that whatcamacalit modern device, palmtop issit? what i am referring to is,

Public Display of Affection.

The abovemention would refer to lovers (or shall i call them lusters instead?) who PHYSICALLY flaunt their love(or mere sexual desires actually) for the other half in public by hormone-raging actions like hugging, fondling, rubbing, kissing, sniffing...and you fill in the blanks. BAH!

No, i am not being conservative or kental here. Not that i totally am against PDA-ing (ahem) but PDA-ing does not become ok AT ALL when :

1. It happens in the middle of a very very very very congested (and smelly) MRT cabin at the madrush peak hours. Imagine, everyone in the train already so pissed at the fact that the train is so fucking packed like sardines, and there are people who actually smell like sardines, and prolly marred by a fact or two that work sucks like a straw, and..

..there in the midst of the hustle and bustle is a a man and a woman ensconced in their own world. happily snogging away and hands groping for every possible surface area. and may i insert smooching sounds here?

like eh coconathan!! have they no respect for the sardines people around them who are so fucking beat after a hard day's work?

i mean like, you're making them jealous cause they have to wait for that moment like 6 hours later. tu pun entah dapat ke tidak. hahaha. :P

2. It happens on an afternoon, now in a not very congested train, but the girl is permanently planted on the guy's laps and there the octopus is touching every part of her body.
And this is witnessed by old ah sohs, tudung donning malay aunties, ah peks, school kids, mothers with babies, sari clad achis, old citizens with walking sticks..and yeah you get the drift.

i'm not very sure if they are human because forfucksakes one seat is meant for ONE adult (note : adult) and the guy resembles nothing but an octopus (pun is fully intended), but at least respect the homo sapiens who would definitely cringe at the sight of your .. well indulgence, say i?

3. It happens at an escalator where the couple in front of you is GLUED to one another and smooching and sniffing away. i need not elaborate, do i.

which i can only conclude one thing : nampak sangat suka buat kerja kat tangga. hahaha.

4. It happens at bus stops again flooded with pissed people consisting of students going to school, people going to work, aunties going to markets and whatnots who have been waiting for the bus since 9875467219721 minutes ago and they have to witness another porntakjadi in the making whereby the guy sits on the railing, legs wide apart, and girl fills in the space purposely created by the guy, FACING HIM and they start getting sexually aroused whereby the girl start sliding her body up and down the space. and face looking ultimately sultry.

and as we know, the space has the fucking penis(again, pun is fully intended. LOL) lah. and it's like if she kneels down a little bit more, TADAH! we have a new porn movie called BUSTOP BLOWJOB!

(let's imagine the place took place at a windy bus stop eh? blow wind blow!)

5. It happens in the bus, at the seat behind you where you know you are not hallucinating or high on weed mixed with armpit hair when you hear moaning sounds like "enngghhh", "ooohhh", "ahhh" or even more meaningful ones like "yang, sakit lah.." or "yang, pelan2 siket lah".

boleh cair beb taik telinga aku dengar!

especially so when you are so cognizant of the fact that their hanky panky is way beyond our normal i-rest-my-head-on-your-shoulder-with-your-hands-on-my-laps couple bus rides, but it involves something more wet than that.

and worse is, there's an unstated rule that whatever you do, YOU SHOULD NOT TURN AND LOOK FOR WHERE/WHAT/WHO THE SOUND IS COMING FROM.

hmmmmmmphhhhhmmmphhh. (can you hear me?)

6. It happens on any fine and dandy day and you are smiling ever so estatically from good sex last night when a couple who are again glued to each other, with the guy's hand so firmly wrapped around the girl's waist as though her waist is going to give in any moment and she would break into 53673644368 pieces, and they are walking in your direction and..

..they CONTINUE walking in YOUR direction and it is YOU who have to detour or make way for them because they cannot break apart. wahh so touching ah!! till death do us part, till your waist gives in do us part! :P



"abang, abang sayang ayang tak?"

"mestilah sayang. kalau abang tak sayang ayang, abang tak peluk ayang macam gini. abang takut lah kalau ayang nyer pinggang patah, nanti ayang berterabur kat lantai."

"..abestu saperlah nanti nak dengan abang lagi? ***** kecik sangat sampai tali pinggang pun terlondeh.."









7. It happens at a very random public spot like traffic light or overhead bridges or library the guy hugging the girl so freaking tightly as though they are trapped in the coldest region in antartica when for goodnesss sake please realise that singapore is an effing humid and hot country as it is part of asia. and they are oh so asian judging from their sepet eyes. errr..

Oh yes, and there are also the category of revolting PDA-ers. They are :

1. Kids clad in school uniform, be it secondary or even I have seen PRIMARY SCHOOL flaunting their affection in trains or at escalators.

What, you trying to prove how sexuallyhormonally active or mertured you are?

Come, show me what lies beneath. I bet your pubics are as smooth as an egg with pubic hair of count ZERO. *_*

2. When one party is exceptionally gorgeous while the other is downright ugly. I have seen one very fine guy caressing a downright ugly girl at the MRT platform ok. No exact definition for what i mean by "ugly" but you get the drift lah. It's just disgusting and just makes my imagination go wild as to whether the ugly girl gives very good...em, service on bed. Hahaha.

3. When the girl (read : woman) looks wayyyyyyyyyyyy OLDER than the boy. Just yesterda right before my fasting eyes, I saw this malay couple where the guy I swear could not have been older than a meer 16 and the girl is a rotten 35 or so and they were sniffing each other's neck in the midst of a fucken packed train.

I swear they looked like mother and son.
I think she is a paedophile.

4. When they are of the SAME GENDER. *rolls eyes 69 times* I have ever witnessed a lesbian couple smooching just NEXT TO ME on the escalator, smooching sounds inclusive.

Wah, you really love her because of her Z cup while yours is a meer protrusion of the nipple right??

Ok now i understand why the lesbians cannot let go. Susah mari beb! :P

5. Ah Bengs and Ah Lians. Mat Reps and Minahs. (Kalau keling aper ah? Minahchi and Thambis eh?) 'Nuff said.

..and the list goes on, but then again to each his own lah. ME find the abovementioned scenarios disgusting and not-a-okay. Actually there are more i would like to mention but i do not wish to strike a chord. ;)

when i see people/kids/fuglys PDA-ing beyond the acceptable-to-the-eyes line, i will feel uneasy because of that unstated rule of practising oblivionity, also because of the elderlies around me who i am sure share the exact same sentiments as me telling from the smug expressions on their wrinkled faces.

my point is, it is not wrong to show your bleeding love for the other half, but please lah do so in respect of the people around you or you can jolly well prove your class and shag her inside a hotel room or somewhere private and not public.

we don't give a shit to how much you love her/him okay because it does not help to settle our expensive phonebills alright!

so please go find private parts in private places.