Schooling Sentiments.
Oh drats. It's Monday, 31st October 2005.
And a hectic life shall resume all over again as holidays are over and school resumes.
Some "perks" of school for me would be :
- adrenaline pumps in rushing for projects with often shitty datelines (DEADlines)
- reluctant goodbyes to dear pillow for having to wake up for fricking 8am lectures
- insufficient or even nada sleep at all and voila! I am a panda. o_0
- nasty (or even good but rare) relationships with competitive project/class mates
- hate-inducing journey to school with this entity we call jam be it traffic or human
- the overwhelming desire to go lepak at clubhouse every single not-in-class time is too powerful - dressing up (ceh macam faham!)
- the unlimited bus concession that can land me anywhere and everywhere in S'pore
And alas I am gonna meet my darling BeBeS for a good spasming session! :)
School, here I come!
YAH RIGHT.
If only the words mentioned above are fact and not fiction.
The simple reason that the words are meer random rants and not for real (for NOW actually) is because I am a PHD holder. And go fug yourself if you believed me when I said I am a PHD holder. What it really means is :
Poly-Halfway Dropout.
Well, i consider myself a dropout although I actually withdrew. People have told me that you are only a dropout if you get expelled and not if you willingly withdraw, but I beg to differ and I do not want to be a sour grape lah. :P
An incomplete poly education is still an incomplete thingy. Okay, nevermind.
My withdrawal is actually an obsolete topic (though it was very hot when it JUST happened). And not to mention the ridiculous shock I gave to so many people upon the news of my withdrawal a.k.a quitting. Many were bombarding with the WHY and WHAT HAPPENED.
The answer is so simple : it is all MY fault. Absolutely no one else's fault but yours truly.
To fill all of you curious cats in, here are TEN reasons which lead to the downfall of my motivation to school which eventually led me to find the best solution by withdrawing :
1. Prior to the start of semester 2.1, I was too caught up with preparation of Piala Khatulistiwa. Thus from there, I formed really strong (and special) bonds with my MCC peeps and grew so addicted to them that even when the event was over and school started, I suffered from Khatulistiwa Withdrawal Syndrome (it's sickening, really). I felt that the only good reason to come to school was to settle khatulistiwa stuffs and anything but to study.
MY BAD. Should not have let it affect my life tremendously but heck, it holds exceptionally sweet memories for me but that's another story for another day.
If not for khatu..
2. Give me one goddamn reason why must they change our classes in year two?!?! Hell, I was separated from my year one classmates, especially Nurul, Debbie and Hana whom I was very close and comfortable with.
And in the class of year two, I was marginalized right from DAY ONE. It’s such a fucking sad incident, I am not mentioning it here.
The incident made me felt so inferior and un-liked that I decided that I can never ever gel with these people.
Besides, the changing of classes was an unfair affair. Many from my class were lucky to still have their cliques with them, while me..
Ok to put it simply, I just have no friends in the class of year two.
Note : FRIENDS. Friends and CLASSMATES have a very fine line of difference. In terms of the special feelings involved. Alah you get the drift.
3. The time table is like an emotional burden whereby most of my days begin at 8 or 9 which is an IMPOSSIBLE time for me.
And the lecturers are oh so very ANAL. Even a millisecond you are late, they will make a big hullabaloo about it.
And as you know, yours truly is nowhere near a punctual person, so there.
4. As I mentioned I technically have no real friends in the class. My real friends in the whole bloody course were only my Bebes whom I only get to see once a bloody week. And my REAL friends were my MCC friends who are sadly strewn all over the school.
So, when my classmates only see me as a CLASSMATE of theirs, they start getting absurdly mean. Whatmore with this absolutely irritating thing that we call the Peer Evaluation Form.
I get marked down like ALL THE TIME. Not that I do not contribute, but like I said it's the marginalization I received from DAY ONE that led to them seeing me as the one who does not do work.
Ok MY BAD, yes maybe I did not contribute enough. But tell me how am I supposed to be a part of your so called clique when during group meetings, all you all do is assign tasks, then you go bitching about others whom I do not give a shit about or who grinded you last night at Liquid Room or who drove you home when you were drunk pissed after clubbing at Zouk or how you met your ex at Cheeky Monkey's?
Now can you see all the reason why I am the marginalized one, can you?
So I am the stranger who does not do work……right.
Being marked down all the time really bothered me until I can't be bothered.
5. I was so addicted to my MCC friends and so addicted to lepak-ing with them that I became so the malas to go to class and see myself as thelivingdead.
I swear I dread and whined everytime it was time for class and I had to part with the clubhouse. But I was so goddamn addicted to the place. Satu hari tak naik macam tak sah gitu.
Click on the picture to see more pictures of us the clubhouse occupants.
All I wanted to do was meet them and meet them and meet them and meet them.
And best part is, we all share the same sentiments too. Love-hate relationships with classmates too. Haha.
And apa lagi, CABOTTTTTTTTTTT AHHHH!!!!!
I do regret to a certain extent because I followed too much of my heart to just laze around at the clubhouse, but whatever makes me happy comes first you see. :P
6. I was in deep shit with ALL my lecturers. Other than the obvious punctuality reasons, I did not hand in my work.
Now this is seriously MY fault. I totally lost interest in doing my work which carried a heavy weightage of a fricking TWENTY PERCENT and thus when my lecturers calculated everything, I was gonna fail like 3 modules.
And if I fail 3 modules, I will automatically be expelled. And when you get expelled means you have a black record with the school and if you want to come back you have to restart at year one.
And goodness, the idea of having to repeat S&W or SAB or CATS or IAC is ultimately revolting.
SO, because I do not want to be expelled, I decided to withdraw. Because when you withdraw, you can come back and continue where you stopped and my record for year two would be clean. Which sounds good, no?
Although I am wasting my time and effort.
And shut up if you're trying to tell me how dumb I am to quit when Mass Comm is such a sought after course because I have heard it 348799136425 times.
Utter waste and I swore I wallowed in self-hate for some time after I withdrew.
7. There was Piala Citra and I was too immersed in participating in it that I totally neglected my studies.
Furthermore, after a shitty day with shittyclassmates, only involving myself in what I dig for would make me happy.
BERULANG KALI MAK KATA!!!
Ah, padan muka aku. Hahaha.
8. Now this one, really my fault. I was too caught up in spending time with my friends and HIM.
All I can say is love really makes one stupid and blind and stupid and stupider.
Yes, no?
9. ALL of my lecturers were SUGGESTING me to withdraw. So you see how bad my predicament is?? See what a problem child I was until all my lecturers felt that withdrawing is the best option for me, and come back after I am "more mertured"(which I might never be).
And the best part is, dearmum was called.
So don’t believe it when they say poly is an independent institution. At EIGHTEEN, they still call your mum to complain about you.
Can u imagine if a lecturer calls the parent of a 28 year old student to complain about him??? HAHAHA!
10. I just lost the interest and motivation and drive. One word : MALAS.
The brunt of all this is a withdrawal which renders me in infinite regret and remorse and a real bad experience with my parents.
So, to all my friends who are complaining that school starts today, I would like to tell you to appreciate the fact that you are going to school because it sucks totally to be just sitting at home and doing nothing.
Like ME lah.
Please do not complain because I have realized how painful it is to not have school as a part of our young lives.
Dan kepada kawan2 MCC ku sekalian, sila jauhkan diri dari clubhouse. Tolonglah pergi jika hanya perlu ok! Tengok apa dah jadi pada kita last semester?
Satu BERHENTI (tu lah asyik main dikir kan! Balek lambat lagi hari2!),
satu KENE BUANG(tu lah asyik tido and makan bersepah kat clubhouse kan!),
satu fail TIGA module (tu lah asyik joget ajer kan!),
satu fail SATU module (tu lah asyik main anak ajer kan!),
satu dah TEMPANG (tu lah, mak dah kata!),
…dan bermacam2 lagi bencana alam yang menimpa.
So, have fun on your first day in school. And honestly I feel jealous. ^_^
