some feelings.
I am seriously WEAK and FRAGILE at the moment.
In my whole life, no one, and I really mean NO ONE at all has ever made me felt exceptionally intimidated. Yes, INTIMIDATED. Just by the presence, makes me go weak on my knees and makes my heart race faster. Allows fear and inferiority to fill me to the fullest brim..
NO, this is not a typical crush thingy. This is the total opposite. It's an ominous feeling of wrath and hate that I've never felt before. Such a mixture of emotions that stirs the inside of me till I could actually literally explode..
Thinking of it, everything is such a blunt contradiction. To stay would have been a blatant mistake, would be a threshold to a dark future, would be a doorway to further suffering, but to leave? I thought to leave was the perfect decision, BUT, maybe I guessed wrong.
Either ways both decision has a negative implication. Simpy because the party involved is a shmuck. A rodent. A pest. A parasite. AN IDIOT.
What's bothering me now is the latter decision I made. It's churning up this fucted up emotion inside. They said that it's illogical to let just one handicapped (both in physically AND mentally!) person bring my spirits down but I myself can't explain this disgusting feeling..
My point here is, THE PRESENCE IS TOTALLY INTIMIDATING ME. And I can't believe myself to ever let anyone intimidate me until now.
MATI AH...
P.S : I miss all those lost along the way. Oh, well.
